Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Old Flame Memory Lane

I know I have been neglecting my blog for quite sometime now *ducks flying objects*. Sorry for that. Was kinda still feeling drained after my Exhibition Guide stint. So now, today, I am back again. Tho I wasn’t feeling very well of late. Been down with flu and fever. Still recovering from it as we speak. Am now breathing through my mouth due to my stuffy nose hence suffering from dry throat and mouth symptom.

I was on medical leave yesterday and had an uncomfortable surprise meeting with someone I have long forgotten when I drop by at the clinic that I frequented. It was my hubby who drove me there accompanied by our little boy too.

When I first caught a glimpse of him I thought I was hallucinating from the fever. Gosh, is it really him? I had to ask myself a several times. I dare not meet his eyes but walked pass him nonchalantly and plopped by butt in a seat next to whom-I-believed-was-his-wife sitting on his left holding a toddler girl around 3-4 years old.

It has been such a long time since we last contacted each other. If I am not mistaken, it was like over 10 years or more. That was ever since I was in a steady relationship with my hubby.
Why am I fretting about seeing him there? Well, thing is, it’s quite an awkward situation as he was my first love. He was the first boy that had held my hands. Now, I could not exactly recall if I had also given my first kiss to him. As things are quite a blur now given my goldfish-memory.

Seeing him again brought back floods of memories…

Our Hot & Cold Love
We started our puppy love during our secondary school days (high school). I have to admit; I was kind of just following the trend back then, as everyone seems to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend to show. Since, I was never lack of suitors, I thought it would be cool to have one too. Plus, he is a hot item, very popular (especially among the gals and the guys like him too) and handsome too. I kinda fell for his boyish cuteness. Yea, I was THAT shallow back then. LOL. But hey, give me a break coz I was still in my early teen years at that period of time okay.

What we have was an on-off kind of relationship. Let’s just say, there’s just too many distractions, for him that is. He attracts whole lots of female attention and I gain lots of hate-filled-glares from these gals. Not that I really care, as I was usually too preoccupied with my school grades. I know where my priority is even back then. Had even blatantly told him so, that he comes second after my grades. I remembered asking him not to pester me with his phone calls especially nearing examination period.

He is very much different from me in terms of placing his priority, family backgrounds and academic studiousness. To begin with, he doesn’t even understand English or shares the same interest in books like I do. He was a truant at school, joined the gangster and later on, dropped out from school during his second year.

I think I don’t even need to elaborate any further for you would have predicted that our relationship didn’t last long. To cut things short, we only lasted about half a year then broke off… and then got back on again, a couple of times – on his persuasion. Beats me. I really do not know what I had in me that had attracted him so much for him to try to patch up with me so many times even after I have graduated from high school and college.

The Public Show of Embarrassment
I could still remember that one appalling event where he gotten very drunk and was screaming my name on top of his lung over and over again, at the front gate of my house in the middle of the night! To my dismay, my neighbors were all woken up by his ruckus and I could clearly see the steam coming out from my mom’s head. To make the matter worst, he kept falling down together with his motorbike a couple of times and had to struggle back up with our help. What an embarrassment.

I was hoping the earth would just open up and swallow me whole there and then. He did it just because I dumped him. In the end, we had no choice but to call his parent to pick him up, as we could not persuade him to go away on his own accord and my mom did not have the heart to call the police on him. I thank my mom in my heart for that even when I feel like kicking his ass for this mess he got me into.

Oh yes, I got an earful from my mom after that. I hated him for it. Yet, somehow I did felt a little bit guilty and touched at the same time. Except not enough for me to disregard my mom’s decree for me to stay away from him. Haha. Stay away I did… but not too long, as we got back together again after sometime, in secret.

Gosh, maybe I do have a weak spot for cuties. Especially cuties like him – boyish and charming. I’ll melt just by looking at him smiling. Love his voice too. Ah, come to think of it, I still do have an affinity to boyish charms. Let me see… the Jpop songs I currently adore are mostly sung by males with boyish voice. LOL.

Gawd, am I getting perverted from old age? Someone, please save me!

In a Tight Spot over the Accidental Meeting

Now that I see him sitting there with his wife and kid. I can’t help but to wonder if he’s happy now with this family life. I think that he must be wondering the same thing too when he saw me with my hubby and kid.

I wasn’t brave enough to risk a sensitive row with my hubby therefore I did not try to catch his eyes at all. I knew that he did glanced at me a couple of times, but I doubt he would initiate a greeting also – he is after all in the same inconvenient situation like me. I would have greeted him if we were both alone. Just a friendly hello, that’s all.

I know you might think that I am some sort of a vain-pot to fret that I am not looking at my best due to my sickness (flu and fever) and dressed only in a pair of worn-out short pant with a tiny pink tee. I am a far cry from how I used to look like during my school days, no doubt. Chancing a meeting with an old flame in this sort of condition wasn’t very appealing or flattering at all. Don’t you agree?

A General Question to All:
What would you do or how would you react if you were in my shoe – chancing an accidental meet with your old flame?


Tine said...

Hey, welcome back!

Great post. Brought back memories of me with my first love. We were more friends than an actual couple, y'know? The first time I saw him with his girlfriend was rather awkward for me, although I didn't show it. The one before my hubby ... I don't know. That one's fresher, a lot more hurtful. Maybe one day in the future. Not right now.


Get well soon! :)

Kok said...

You're back! It's a good start for me before I go back to my final year project. Too bad I have a limited time here. I'll come back again some time later to comment on this. Probably few hours later when it's TIME OUT! :D

You take care over there ok? Fill yourself with water and hope you'll get well very soon. :)

FireHorse said...

First of all thanks for sharing, your memories brought back many of my own that were quite similar. If I were in your shoes I wud have done the exact same thing for those exact same reasons, if the meeting was in a different place and I looked decent without my spouse I wud have said "Hello".

FireHorse said...

Sorry forgot....hope you get well soon dear.

Bengbeng said...

Bengbeng said hello and she gave an acid reply. Mrs BB was shocked. I dont hold myself in any way responsible for the break up eons ago.

(Me in similar shoes)

gina said...

Sigh. I have no say in this as I have never experienced love before. I guess it's ok to say hello. But knowing your hubby, you did good by avoiding it. No point thinking of the past. Concentrate on the present and plan for the future.

Kleio the Muse said...

Thanks dear. You're so sweet.
Ah, I can pretty much understand your dilemma. Wasn't much different from my feelings here I guess.

Err.... I guess, yes I am back... for now. LOL. Don't worry, it's already nice enough for you to drop by and say hello.

Good luck with your final year project kay.

I am glad to have someone to share my sentiments with. That's how I feel exactly.

Ouch! that's not very civil of her. Especially when you have nothing to do with the breakup. Maybe she's just jealous of your spouse? And she felt she's at the losing end for letting a good guy like you go.

Yea very true. That's why I had no choice but to keep quiet. Does this qualify as 'white-lies'?
Nay, I am not really thinking of the past, just merely reminiscing about the past we shared oni. Thanks for your concern dear ;)

stev said...


enjoyed the post

bad boys still continue to vaporize hearts eh? ;)

hmm. well i'd say that most flames for me are by now by far melted candles...

Kleio da Muse said...


Thanks :)
Still very much a baffling thing - why gals feels so much attracted to bad boys. Maybe it's the thrill, adventure, novelty, charm or something like that.

Melted candles eh, wait till you really bumped into each other again *grin*.

vhanded said...

Feels like reading rommance story... Em, I am king of sucks in relationship, and no doubt, I never hold a girl's hand before(except in some games or dances only). But I too feel that you did the right, maintain everything like the past 10 years, don't trigger something to happen with a 'hello'...

Kleio the Muse said...

Tee hee hee. It is a romance story mah. Har har har.

Do lah, put yourself down lidat. Maybe others don't see you like that leh. Who knows, some might even admire you from afar :)

Thanks for agreeing with me on not stoking the fire.

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