Saturday, October 20, 2007

Why Do We Always Hurt The Ones We Love?

I really felt so strongly that I should share with all a post by a fellow blogger. This post of his, made a deep impression on me. It was a very poignant and riveting post, one that I can't help but to share my own sentiments with.

Please do take some time off to read this piece of beautifully written article. You would then know why I am so enamored with it that I had posted a rather long comment after reading it.

Here's what I have commented (unabridged):

Ahh, this post of yours sure brought up lots of my memories and past experiences. Many of those questions or insecurities are also the very same ones I had until a couple of months back when I truly understand what I need or wanted.

It was only then that I realized giving in all the time and bottling up frustrations are really not they way it’s suppose to be if we expect the relationship to grow, mature and stabilize. Avoidance of negative issues only makes matter worst. As these issues wouldn’t simply just go away by ignoring it, as it would only start building up and silently gnaw away our inner self - especially our self-worth. Losing our sense of self and dignity in a relationship would only lead to a stagnant, stale and unhappy outlook.

This is what exactly happened to me. I kept stalling the matter, thinking if I just continue to give in and try to change or mold myself according to his ‘idea’ everything will eventually fall into it’s place. However, unfortunately that wasn’t the case, and I found out only after much pain and suffering in both parties. Then only I realized, I must be happy and content within before I could bring happiness to others especially to my love ones. It’s only a simple equation. Nonetheless, it’s one many failed to see.

Hence, it’s equally important that we strive to find a balance in between. To address the true feelings of both parties. And this balance could only be achieve through face-to-face heartfelt dialogue. For this to work, courage, sincerity, determination and wisdom must be employed in these dialogues. This is what I did recently with my other half and now stand to witness the simplicity and greatness of this basic human interaction which many failed to recognize and make good use of. (Yup, I blogged about this live-changing experience of mine).

To simply put it, lack of communication IS the main downfall of many relationships/marriages. Communication is an art, one that all human beings needs to master in order to be successful in life. I now constantly remind myself the fact that, every individual has their own set of principles, thinkings and reactions. Whatever it is, everyone deserves to be heard.

I know this comment of mine if a bit too lengthy, but this article of yours makes me feel very strongly. Hope you don’t mind me sharing these quotes with you:

“A healthy relationship, is one in which two people encourage each other to reach their respective goals, while sharing each other’s hopes and dreams. A relationship should be a source of inspiration, invigoration and hope.”

“Love is not two people gazing at each other, but two people looking ahead together in the same direction - by Antoine de Saint”

“If you lose yourself in love just because you are bored, and veer from your path in life, then love is nothing more than escapism.”

“Happiness is not something that anyone else, even a lover, can give you. You have to achieve it by yourself. And, the only way to do so is by developing your own character and capacity as a human being, by fully maximising your potential. If you sacrifice your own growth and talent for love, you absolutely will not find happiness.”

“It is demeaning to be constantly seeking approval. If you find yourself in a relationship where you are not treated the way your heart tells you you should be, I hope you will have the courage and dignity to decide that you are better off running the risk of being alone for the time being rather than enduring an unhappy relationship.”

PS: I copied all these quotes I found in a book into my organizer and kept it with me always as a reminder that I could achieve more for myself and for my family. Every human beings has his potential. I hope my comments did not unintentionally offend you or anyone here.

PPS: Actually, I visited this page in particular several times already ever since I got your mail. I didn’t comment back then because I knew I wanted a deeper discussion in my comment. So here it is a long-winded one. Hope you don’t mind. LOL

Take care. And do write more. You are doing great already.
Kleio da Muse - October 18th, 2007 at 11:23 am

What's your sentiments? Care to share?


gina said...

You really wrote that in the comment box ah? enough space or not? Hahaha.

Kleio da Muse said...

LOL. Totemo honto desu! I dunno what got into me. But you know me lah - I could be a bit unpredictable at times. Eccentric is what you called me. Hahaha.

Now I know that the comment box does not really limit the amount of words we over-enthusiastic commentator decides to stuff it with.

Kenny Mah said...

Just to let you know, dear, the post has been moved here:


Kleio the Muse said...

Kenny Mah:
Updated the link. Thanks for the info.

Anonymous said...

I dont know how to start or the words that should be used.I have felt this in my life now its happening to my son not of the same situation but along the way. As a father its difficult to talk about the problem of the heart you jus dont know were to start.I hope i can tell my son that its not that easy as abc to fall in love and get hurt or to hurt some that you love.Sometimes we tend to forget those people who loves us and maybe we just ignored them but when the time comes and we realized that it was too late then and only then we come to our senses that its gone.I wish i could still save the relationship that has been built for the last five years.Maybe it can still work out.Loving is easy but understanding how to realy love someone is the hardest part.Know what their only two things in life that really hard its the acceptance and letting go no one is ready for this not even me.How i wish its just as easy as abc.