Sunday, December 09, 2007

An Intimate Disclosure ( Not for the weak stomachs! )

First and foremost, please do brace yourself for what you are about to witness. Don't say I didn't warn you. It's gonna be something gross and... uhmm.... I am not too sure if it's appropriate to appear here at all. So, to those who had just taken their lunches or dinner or whatever you've stuffed yourself with, please view this at your own risk. Don't come back here and kick me in the arse if your yesterday's breakfast comes pouring out like Niagara Falls.

You are about to witness something very intimate of mine. A part of me since birth till yesterday, I had no choice but to let it go painfully. It was an emotional goodbye. Tears and agony, anxiety and angst.

For the past few years, thrice, I had safe it's life and tried to salvage whatever I could so we could be together longer than it was meant to be. Trying so hard to beat the odds. And yet, cruel history chose to repeat itself again and this time, tis most unforgiving. No doubt it's a punishment for pushing my luck the last couple of times back. Revenge and karma can be such a biatch!

Here's my tribute to the most intimate and important part of me. Sob! I am never whole again!

It's one of my precious molar that belongs to my lower left jaw.

Don't worry, I had clean it as best as I could to get rid of the blood, flesh and nerves that has been clinging stubbornly onto it.

I place it on my palm for size reference. Yup! it's big alright. Talk about size.
No wonder the pain that follows after the extraction. Still pretty much in pain as we speak. Well, the hole is big, the pain is great. Right?

Look at the filling. Almost the whole tooth is fully stuffed from my 3 attempts to salvage it. Just imagine the agony I had been thru, people. Tis not for the weak of heart. Really.

Sorry if you find this repulsive. But, I just had to pay my tribute to this valiant comrade of mine. Anyhow, I am glad to be done with it. Sad but glad too. At least, the nagging and nerve-wrecking pain wouldn't be haunting me again in the future. Hopefully, I could say this for the rest of my pearly whites.

One for the record, this round of tooth infection is the worst one I've ever encountered with. Well, it was (yes, the same tooth) infected the first time I beg the doctor to drill a friggin big hole to save it and that was yearssss back. Thing is, the pain wasn't too bad then as compared to what I had this round. And it was waaayyyy out of proportion kinda pain. It's so physically draining that I can't really function right, much less stay sane. Been popping painkillers and antibiotics like nobody's business as the doctor said the swelling and pain needs to be down before anything could be done. Sucks right?

So, that explains my long absence and silence on the blogsphere. Am I forgiven then? Please? Pretty please?

Hard lesson learned from all this agony:

Toothache is worst than the pain of giving birth.
Hands down on it. Period! Not debatable!

Do I made myself clear?

Monday, November 19, 2007

REVISION: Manga Kleio - Tis is how I look like

Gawd! I have just noticed last night an embarrassing and glaring mistake on that manga self I have drawn and then posted here on Saturday, 17th November 2007 while I was idly browsing thru some of my manga magazines.

It really shows how amateur I am at this. Cos, I have literary forgotten to draw eyebrows on it. OMG *shakes head unbelievingly*. How could I have possibly left it out? Now, the more I look at the previous drawing, the more I felt how silly it look. Lol.

Later on, I have noted another feature on my face wasn't depicted on the drawing. You see, I have double eyelids - something many people would proud to have. Hence, I then boldly and deftly added it on the drawing.

It seems to look much better now. Right?

Since I do not know how to color it using graphic software, I had to revert to the traditional way - using color pencils.

Oh yea, some of you had asked the meaning of the Japanese characters contained in that speech bubble. Actually in romaji it reads as, "Hajimemashite, Dozo Yoroshiku". Meaning, "Pleased to meet you" and "Please favor me". Something like that :D

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Manga Kleio - Tis is how I look like

Attempted another piece of doodling yesterday night while watching the telly with my hubby. This time, ala MANGA style.

Since I am posting it here, I am hopping that my hubby can't remember or recognize this drawing of mine should he came to accidentally stumbled upon it on the net *sweat*. Yea, I am showing it to you at the risk of blowing my alter ego cover. Ok, ok, I am being paranoia again. Tee hee hee.

This manga gal kinda represented myself. My hair looks more or less like that in the drawing. With big eyes and a generous mouth. Except one thing, one thing that is my own imagination or I should say, wishful thinking... the F-cup boob. How I wish! Hahahaha


19th Nov 2007 : Found a major mistake on this drawing. Here's my revision.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Typical Work Day

Decided to doodle a bit yesterday evening out of boredom while my hubby's peacefully sleeping the holiday away. Yesterday was Deepavali, a major celebration or holiday for the local Indians. Happy Deepavali to all Indian friends out there!

My little boy was peering over my shoulder excitedly as I doodle away, giving me instructions here and there and throwing countless questions at me.

"Mom, is that daddy and mommy you are drawing?" Little Jet frowns looking at the artwork in progress. "Where is Little Jet then, Mommy? Why am I not in the picture? Please draw me in it too" Little Jet sulked and pleads.

"Yes boy, that's mommy and daddy. No you
aren't in this drawing. Mommy promise to draw your picture later ok. Hush now" Kleio tries to pacify.

"Mommy, is that daddy's car? You should color it black you know.... why aren't you coloring it now?" pestered Little Jet. Poor mom is getting quite irritated with all the attention and tries hard to hasten the completion of the doodle.

Here's the completed doodle of what Kleio's typical work day looks like:

Click on image to enlarge

I know I wasn't much an artist. It's pretty amateurish, that I know too. Tee hee hee.

People, I didn't exaggerate on the part where I could fall asleep while chewing my food. Heck, I had even once fell asleep with a straw in my mouth while sipping my drink in a restaurant right in front of my hubby back then when he was still my boyfriend. I am so pathetic! Is is a sleep disorder or sumthing? Yea, and you know what? My hubby thinks it's cute. Duh!?&%$#@

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Why Do We Always Hurt The Ones We Love?

I really felt so strongly that I should share with all a post by a fellow blogger. This post of his, made a deep impression on me. It was a very poignant and riveting post, one that I can't help but to share my own sentiments with.

Please do take some time off to read this piece of beautifully written article. You would then know why I am so enamored with it that I had posted a rather long comment after reading it.

Here's what I have commented (unabridged):

Ahh, this post of yours sure brought up lots of my memories and past experiences. Many of those questions or insecurities are also the very same ones I had until a couple of months back when I truly understand what I need or wanted.

It was only then that I realized giving in all the time and bottling up frustrations are really not they way it’s suppose to be if we expect the relationship to grow, mature and stabilize. Avoidance of negative issues only makes matter worst. As these issues wouldn’t simply just go away by ignoring it, as it would only start building up and silently gnaw away our inner self - especially our self-worth. Losing our sense of self and dignity in a relationship would only lead to a stagnant, stale and unhappy outlook.

This is what exactly happened to me. I kept stalling the matter, thinking if I just continue to give in and try to change or mold myself according to his ‘idea’ everything will eventually fall into it’s place. However, unfortunately that wasn’t the case, and I found out only after much pain and suffering in both parties. Then only I realized, I must be happy and content within before I could bring happiness to others especially to my love ones. It’s only a simple equation. Nonetheless, it’s one many failed to see.

Hence, it’s equally important that we strive to find a balance in between. To address the true feelings of both parties. And this balance could only be achieve through face-to-face heartfelt dialogue. For this to work, courage, sincerity, determination and wisdom must be employed in these dialogues. This is what I did recently with my other half and now stand to witness the simplicity and greatness of this basic human interaction which many failed to recognize and make good use of. (Yup, I blogged about this live-changing experience of mine).

To simply put it, lack of communication IS the main downfall of many relationships/marriages. Communication is an art, one that all human beings needs to master in order to be successful in life. I now constantly remind myself the fact that, every individual has their own set of principles, thinkings and reactions. Whatever it is, everyone deserves to be heard.

I know this comment of mine if a bit too lengthy, but this article of yours makes me feel very strongly. Hope you don’t mind me sharing these quotes with you:

“A healthy relationship, is one in which two people encourage each other to reach their respective goals, while sharing each other’s hopes and dreams. A relationship should be a source of inspiration, invigoration and hope.”

“Love is not two people gazing at each other, but two people looking ahead together in the same direction - by Antoine de Saint”

“If you lose yourself in love just because you are bored, and veer from your path in life, then love is nothing more than escapism.”

“Happiness is not something that anyone else, even a lover, can give you. You have to achieve it by yourself. And, the only way to do so is by developing your own character and capacity as a human being, by fully maximising your potential. If you sacrifice your own growth and talent for love, you absolutely will not find happiness.”

“It is demeaning to be constantly seeking approval. If you find yourself in a relationship where you are not treated the way your heart tells you you should be, I hope you will have the courage and dignity to decide that you are better off running the risk of being alone for the time being rather than enduring an unhappy relationship.”

PS: I copied all these quotes I found in a book into my organizer and kept it with me always as a reminder that I could achieve more for myself and for my family. Every human beings has his potential. I hope my comments did not unintentionally offend you or anyone here.

PPS: Actually, I visited this page in particular several times already ever since I got your mail. I didn’t comment back then because I knew I wanted a deeper discussion in my comment. So here it is a long-winded one. Hope you don’t mind. LOL

Take care. And do write more. You are doing great already.
Kleio da Muse - October 18th, 2007 at 11:23 am

What's your sentiments? Care to share?

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Old Flame Memory Lane

I know I have been neglecting my blog for quite sometime now *ducks flying objects*. Sorry for that. Was kinda still feeling drained after my Exhibition Guide stint. So now, today, I am back again. Tho I wasn’t feeling very well of late. Been down with flu and fever. Still recovering from it as we speak. Am now breathing through my mouth due to my stuffy nose hence suffering from dry throat and mouth symptom.

I was on medical leave yesterday and had an uncomfortable surprise meeting with someone I have long forgotten when I drop by at the clinic that I frequented. It was my hubby who drove me there accompanied by our little boy too.

When I first caught a glimpse of him I thought I was hallucinating from the fever. Gosh, is it really him? I had to ask myself a several times. I dare not meet his eyes but walked pass him nonchalantly and plopped by butt in a seat next to whom-I-believed-was-his-wife sitting on his left holding a toddler girl around 3-4 years old.

It has been such a long time since we last contacted each other. If I am not mistaken, it was like over 10 years or more. That was ever since I was in a steady relationship with my hubby.
Why am I fretting about seeing him there? Well, thing is, it’s quite an awkward situation as he was my first love. He was the first boy that had held my hands. Now, I could not exactly recall if I had also given my first kiss to him. As things are quite a blur now given my goldfish-memory.

Seeing him again brought back floods of memories…

Our Hot & Cold Love
We started our puppy love during our secondary school days (high school). I have to admit; I was kind of just following the trend back then, as everyone seems to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend to show. Since, I was never lack of suitors, I thought it would be cool to have one too. Plus, he is a hot item, very popular (especially among the gals and the guys like him too) and handsome too. I kinda fell for his boyish cuteness. Yea, I was THAT shallow back then. LOL. But hey, give me a break coz I was still in my early teen years at that period of time okay.

What we have was an on-off kind of relationship. Let’s just say, there’s just too many distractions, for him that is. He attracts whole lots of female attention and I gain lots of hate-filled-glares from these gals. Not that I really care, as I was usually too preoccupied with my school grades. I know where my priority is even back then. Had even blatantly told him so, that he comes second after my grades. I remembered asking him not to pester me with his phone calls especially nearing examination period.

He is very much different from me in terms of placing his priority, family backgrounds and academic studiousness. To begin with, he doesn’t even understand English or shares the same interest in books like I do. He was a truant at school, joined the gangster and later on, dropped out from school during his second year.

I think I don’t even need to elaborate any further for you would have predicted that our relationship didn’t last long. To cut things short, we only lasted about half a year then broke off… and then got back on again, a couple of times – on his persuasion. Beats me. I really do not know what I had in me that had attracted him so much for him to try to patch up with me so many times even after I have graduated from high school and college.

The Public Show of Embarrassment
I could still remember that one appalling event where he gotten very drunk and was screaming my name on top of his lung over and over again, at the front gate of my house in the middle of the night! To my dismay, my neighbors were all woken up by his ruckus and I could clearly see the steam coming out from my mom’s head. To make the matter worst, he kept falling down together with his motorbike a couple of times and had to struggle back up with our help. What an embarrassment.

I was hoping the earth would just open up and swallow me whole there and then. He did it just because I dumped him. In the end, we had no choice but to call his parent to pick him up, as we could not persuade him to go away on his own accord and my mom did not have the heart to call the police on him. I thank my mom in my heart for that even when I feel like kicking his ass for this mess he got me into.

Oh yes, I got an earful from my mom after that. I hated him for it. Yet, somehow I did felt a little bit guilty and touched at the same time. Except not enough for me to disregard my mom’s decree for me to stay away from him. Haha. Stay away I did… but not too long, as we got back together again after sometime, in secret.

Gosh, maybe I do have a weak spot for cuties. Especially cuties like him – boyish and charming. I’ll melt just by looking at him smiling. Love his voice too. Ah, come to think of it, I still do have an affinity to boyish charms. Let me see… the Jpop songs I currently adore are mostly sung by males with boyish voice. LOL.

Gawd, am I getting perverted from old age? Someone, please save me!

In a Tight Spot over the Accidental Meeting

Now that I see him sitting there with his wife and kid. I can’t help but to wonder if he’s happy now with this family life. I think that he must be wondering the same thing too when he saw me with my hubby and kid.

I wasn’t brave enough to risk a sensitive row with my hubby therefore I did not try to catch his eyes at all. I knew that he did glanced at me a couple of times, but I doubt he would initiate a greeting also – he is after all in the same inconvenient situation like me. I would have greeted him if we were both alone. Just a friendly hello, that’s all.

I know you might think that I am some sort of a vain-pot to fret that I am not looking at my best due to my sickness (flu and fever) and dressed only in a pair of worn-out short pant with a tiny pink tee. I am a far cry from how I used to look like during my school days, no doubt. Chancing a meeting with an old flame in this sort of condition wasn’t very appealing or flattering at all. Don’t you agree?

A General Question to All:
What would you do or how would you react if you were in my shoe – chancing an accidental meet with your old flame?

Friday, September 21, 2007

Random Muses: Smoldering Red Appeal

Today I am wearing a body hugging skirt suit in blood red. Feeling awesome. Cuz, this time I don't even have to wear a girdle to keep things tight. Yes. My tummy's looking better and better these days *smug grin*.

Sorry folks for my long absence. Shall try to update you all on the next post. See ya!

Friday, August 17, 2007

Snippet: A Sigh... of Relieve!

Bouncing Happy Yellow Smiley Face Gif Images

Just to update on yesterday's supposedly nerve-wrecking meeting on the Exhibition Guide thingy. Well, I am glad to say... it went quite well and I wasn't as lame as I thought I would be. Horray for that. Yes! Phew! I am glad I had somewhat breezed thru this untraumatized. I could now for the time being, breath, eat and sleep normal again. That's until the next meeting. Gosh!

Anyhow, I am quite pleased that I had manage to participate as well as contribute my ideas during the brainstorming session and not freeze like an idiot. In a way, it helped me to prepare myself mentally on what's to come next.

I thank you all for the good luck wishes. It helps.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

My Blogging Personality

Grabbed this test from Tine just now. At first, I did the test just for the fun of it. Later I decided to post it here as the test results pretty much surprised me - I find most of it quite true.

Though I am not quite sure about the last part. Cos' I haven't yet met anyone who pisses me off. Hence, I don't quite know what would be my exact reaction should this scenario ever chance upon me. Anyhow, I trust myself to be a level-headed person. And strongly believe that, everyone has the right to be heard. Most importantly, everyone's bound to have differences in their views and their own sets of principles am I right? And I respect that. This is also what makes things interesting in the first place. Agree?

Your Blogging Type is Pensive and Philosophical

You blog like no one else is reading...

You tend to use your blog to explore ideas - often in long winded prose.

Easy going and flexible, you tend to befriend other bloggers easily.

But if they disagree with once too much, you'll pull them from your blogroll!

So errr... what do you think of this test result of mine? Is it exactly your sentiments about moi? I would love to hear your honest thoughts. You may also slap me on the face if you want but please do it with tact. So I wouldn't get back at you. Muahhahahahahahahaha....


Current State of Mind: Anxious & Nervous.MySpace Graphics codes

Very very anxious and jittery due to tonight's forthcoming appointment. It's a meeting cum training sort of thing. As yours truly has volunteered herself to be an Exhibition Guide for one of the Peace Promoting NGOs. The exhibition is in about another month's time. It's set on September.

Might be posting about it here. Not very sure if I should cos' I would then be risking exposure and inviting trouble. Tee hee hee.

Why the anxiousness? Well I don't think I have adequately prepared myself for this meeting which they have also promised a brainstorming session as well. Geezz. I am so going to humiliate myself tonight. Then again, there is no one else to be blamed but myself cos' I didn't spend more time reading the materials given. Every time I look at it (materials), my head started to spin. Gosh! I am so lame.

Wish me luck ok. I need it sorely.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Rockin' Girl Blogger Award

I am so touched by Tine's kind gesture in awarding me with this badge. Thank you Tine, for this lovely badge. I shall wear it with honor and pride.

This is the first time I got awarded with anything, after one whole year of blogging. It sorta like an achievement. Yay. Tine, I wanna let you know I think you rock too ;)

And now, whom do I think befitting of this badge? Here's the list of gal bloggers whom I admired and respected very much:

Gina (Absolutginger)
Firehorse (Fatty Poh's Kopi Tiam)
CC (Quaint Melody)

You all deserve this badge and I salute all of you cos' you gals totally rock!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Highschool Flashbacks & High Dramas (Back-to-the-Future Style)

17th July 2007, Tuesday

This particular morning, I was pretty hyped-up by a post written by Tine. It’s about the ups-and-downs she encountered during her high school days. I felt so nostalgic reading this post of hers. I was literally overwhelmed by my own excitement that I had couldn’t refrain from posting two quite long comments to share my own experiences with her. And I felt good doing it too.

I figured it would be cool to post something about my past too… this is something I had noticed wasn’t my usual style here. I guess I did deprive you all from a chance to get to know me better huh. A chance to know the roads this Muse had traveled to become who she is today. So, a little bit of background history wouldn’t kill I guess. LOL.

Here goes the story of this Muse during her heydays *“tut-te-tut-tae-tut” keying in the codes into the Time Machine*

SWIRL…. SWIRL…, SWIRL… (spiraling down the time portal in full speed).

[Kleio in full highschool light blue pinafore with white short-sleeved-shirt and her long-thick waist-length luxurious-black-hair pulled back in a samurai style fashion secured with several (I mean many) pieces of rubber-hair-bands plus a larger than life curry-puff like fringe gel to perfection]

Well, that’s pretty much how I looked like back then. Trying my very best to fit in, at least in terms of appearance. I could never really fit in emotionally though. Not until I met Gina (my best friend even till now) during my 3rd year (Form 3)… but, that was for another story, unless you all don’t mind another long drag. LOL. So, I’ll just have to keep that for another time.

Of Differences and Barriers

Now, why would I say that I couldn’t really fit in? Thing is, I am what my peers considered as a partial Chinese, but that is only in terms of up-bringing and not that I aren’t in anyway physically “pure Chinese”. Alrighty then, maybe I did look slightly off the part of looking truly of Chinese parentage. I could still remember people kept asking me whether I am half Japanese or of mixed parentage. I guess it might be because of my fairness in skin tone, well probably. Anyway, I really don’t get it until todate as to why my looks generated this sort of speculation at all *shakes head*. To me, I look every part a pure Chinese.

Apart from the so called ‘unconventional look,’ it doesn’t really help me fit in with a huge language barrier in line effectively barricading me from the rest of my peers. This was another reason why my peers called me a partial Chinese or what they fondly nicknamed as a ‘Banana’ (a direct translation from Chinese ie. Siang-Jiau-Ren. It metaphorically meant, ‘Yellow on the outside but white in the inside’ – meaning a westernized Chinese who doesn’t know his/her Chinese heritage or main language ie. Mandarin) a quite degrading nickname they gave to those like me. I am pretty sure others out there like me would concur with this.

Actually, this dilemma left me feeling alienated and left-out, hence I turned resentful towards my parent’s decision in enrolling me into a National School instead of a Chinese Medium school which was supposed to be the normal practice by the local Chinese community. I felt ashamed of not knowing Mandarin and of not having deeper knowledge of my Chinese heritage. At that time, it makes me felt unworthy of being called a Chinese at all. To the point of almost wanting to hide behind a fabricated lie that I am not pure Chinese but of mixed parentage (I didn’t do it tho. I now think it is rather silly of me to have that kind of thoughts.)

In a way, all these really affected my self-esteem. Therefore I submitted to my peer’s never-ending jests, teases and was even bombarded with many unflattering nicknames. Kids can really be amazing with their creativity in making up nicknames. My beautiful name (I have an English name apart from my Chinese one) was twist and turned into so many versions of distasteful nicknames, that I was so fed up with, so much so that I had one time decided to adopt a new name for myself at school. Mom gave me an earful when she found out tho.

It was just so easy for them to get away with the teasing because I can’t tell even if they were to made fun of me right in front of my face as they always did it in Mandarin. To me, it was like hearing a foreign language that I have no inkling of whatsoever. I have no choice but to let it be.

Now, I am proud to say that my current comprehension of Mandarin has improved tremendously, all thanks to the idiot-box’s never-ending streams of TV dramas in this particular language. Credits have to be given to my little boy as well, for encouraging me to pick up this language. That’s because I have no other option but to learn it, as my son is currently enrolled into a Chinese medium kindergarten and I found this is the most effective language in communicating with him. Hence begins a series of broken Mandarin at home. LOL. It was fun tho. Helps create light moments to wash away the daily stress and tensions.

Grades & Studiousness

Grades, hmmm… this is a rather tough one to answer. Let me see, I was constantly struggling with couple of subjects. Maths unfortunately is my woe. No matter how much effort I put in… I barely scrap the passing grade. Freaking hate Maths (arithmetic) even till now. It’s really nothing short of a miracle that I managed to somehow secure a credit (passing grade) for it, enough for me to get myself through my highschool final year examination. I guess Lady-luck was with me after all, that I need not repeat another year at school. That would suck Big-time.

History wasn’t my forte too. Don’t get me wrong tho. I do enjoy history it’s just that I don’t fancy studying local history. My interest leans more towards the international atmosphere. Another thing about this subject that irks me are the dates I have to cramp into my Goldfish-Memory (I am plaque by early stage of Alzheimer disease it seems). My short term memory is almost non-existent. You know, I could be standing right in front of my gate holding the keys in my hands and asking where the hell I put my keys! (incidents such as this and similar ones has and kept repeating itself many times throughout my life). I am so SICK of this and part of the reason I am currently pushing myself to pick-up the Japanese language is to stop my brain from wasting away. Hopefully in the near future, I would not have to repeat this phrase again and again, “Oh I am sorry, I forgot” *roll eyes*.

Alright so, basically my grades aren’t too bad. I would say I am neither an underachiever nor an over-achiever (just like how Tine put it). What’s my best subjects then? It has to be English, Science, Bahasa Malaysia (the national language) and Geography. Wasn’t too doing too badly in my Art class too.

Since I am top in class for my English studies, it helps me somewhat get back at those peers who had laughed at me being the so called partial Chinese. It felt good to see them toning down their ego to approach me for help in this subject. Ha! See, who has the last laugh now. Muahahahahahahaa.

A bit about my study style, I would sit at the dining table at home diving into my homework as soon as I get back from school till evening. I would only budge from time to time for nature calls or to get some sustenance from the fridge. I get my rest there too – sleeping while sitting upright with my head resting on the table drooling away. My grandma seems to be very fond of recalling this memory... she kept repeating it to friends and family *embarrassed*.

The Popularity Scale

[Kleio gingerly steps onto the “Popularity Scale” with trepidations. Forehead full of nervous sweat]

Well errr… how should I put it? I was umm… ahh… quite well received by the umm… opposite gender. In fact, there’s this one time where a bunch of so-called, “Tai-kar-cheh” (Cantonese: means, Big-Sisters… as in female gangsters) threaten to do me harm should I not avoid the attention of a particular cute boy of which I didn’t even know in the first place. Cos’ a gal in the said group has got the hots for him (Psst… and that cute boy has got the hots for yours truly). Yea right, I told them to go get a life and when they did get unruly I ran straight off to the teacher’s lounge. It was so funny to see them get cold feet and chicken out. Cluck… cluck… cluck… cluck. LOL. Man, that made my day.

And for the record, that kawaii boy became my first boyfriend. That is, if he could be considered as my "boyfriend" cos’ I wouldn’t even let him hold my hands. LOL. I does defeat the whole idea right. Actually I had a long history with this particular boy afterwards. But, I’ll leave that for another post... only if I feel like telling it. He is after all… my first love and the best looking one throughout my strings of suitors.

I can be quite daring and reckless at times tho I did tone down a bit nowadays. I remember I once threw a bottle (a plastic one of course, I am not a murderer) at a male classmate, because he irritated me. I think he messed with my beautifully sculpted hair. There was also another time where I kicked a ‘bangku’ (chair) towards that same idiot. But it was me that got hurt from that tantrum in the end. Sucks!

Oh, I forgot to mention one itsy bitsy detail *raises eyebrows suggestively*… I was the Assistant Class Monitor at that point of time too *grin*. Surprise!
Surprise! For a clearer picture, I am talking about my first year in highschool kay (Form 1). One more thing, I am also a Karate student back then. I guess that pretty well explained why I had the (I nearly said balls here. LOL) guts to readily take on these unruly peeps. I am pretty harmless now tho, with my muscles and guts all gone down the drains eons ago since the day I have decided to perfect the feminine side of me due to my increasing interest in the opposite gender. Though I must blame it all on the raging surge of female hormone during my 2nd onset of puberty *bites lip*.

One more for the record, I was also the secretary for Interact Club during my fourth year of highschool (Form 4). My best buddy, Gina was the President of the club. I had much fun, exposures and also faced with many challenges in this club. I even got into an argument with Gina then. It was our first fight and the last; we never fought afterwards till to date. And we are still best of friend.

From this point onward, I think you could deduce that I am most certainly do not belong to the geeks or nerds packs. I am probably a semi IT-gal. Semi popular only. I believe I get to be at this level just because I am different and this gets me attention out of people’s natural curiosity. So you can actually say that I stick-out-like-a-sore-thumb amongst my peers.

I have to say that life is fair after all, I might be ridiculed and alienated but I fare better than em’ in my studies and social conquest.

Lastly, I would love to tag a few friends. I didn't actually meant for this post to be a meme, but I really think it would be an interesting tag. So there's no obligation okay. You can chose to indulge me or you could ignore this tag by all means. I would not be offended in anyway ok.
My main aim is just to get to know more about you.

These are the peeps I would love to know more about:
Gina (Absolut Ginger)
Tien Soon (Tien Soon's Tech Blog)
Kenny Mah
Stev Blogs
Firehorse (Fatty Poh's Kopi Tiam)
Kok (Not so complicated)
Mikey (Mikey Mike's Subliterate Zone)
Peggy (All the Beautiful Things in the World)
CC (Quaint Melody)
Paris Beaverbanks

Saturday, July 14, 2007

1st Anniversary of, "A Hermit's Muse"

Hi there peeps! I am back. And tomorrow is my blog’s 1st Anniversary. Hence, I am now dedicating this post to my beloved blog. So, Happy 1st Anniversary to Hermit's Muse!!!

A Walk Down the Memory Lane
Humbly yours started this blog on 15th July 2006 last year after much self-conflicting deliberation and courage gathering. Actually, I had amazed myself by reaching this 1-year milestone… didn’t thought I could have lasted so long when I first started it.

I could still very much recall my first post entry, lamenting on my lack of writing skill and ze self-bashing for my crazy notion of starting a blog. Yeah, I was that low in my self-esteem at that point of time. I am proud to say that I have changed… more aptly put – EVOLVED. I have grown to be more self-assured and learned to speak my mind plus, am not as shy as before. LOL. I could still pretty much remember the countless times I had bugged my dearest old friend, Gina (she’s the one that had inspired as well as encouraged me to blog) for assurances on my writings *laugh* as well as to how and what to say in one of my fan-email to a fellow blogger I had admired so much (I still am missing him even till now tho). Gina-san, I take this opportunity to express my utmost thanks to you for making this blog a reality. Domo arigatogozaimashita.

Reflections – Lessons thru Blogging
The biggest benefit I had experienced from blogging is that it opens up my perspective, changed the way I perceive others as well as my own self. It seems that by having a blog, I could see my inner self clearer… it’s like giving my inner self a voice of its own and thus, enabling me to re-evaluate things in a way I never did before. By doing this, I came to realized what I actually wanted in life… what I needed to pursue and what I should not waste precious time harping on.

I would say, in a way, blogging is like putting a mirror in front of you… helping you to see those minute but important details we often failed to notice before. Assisting us in sorting out those of importance and those insignificant ones.

To sum it up, the strength and new knowledge I had gain through blogging had lead me to a rapid inner growth and self-discovery. Plus, I have also learned to make peace with myself.

I must say the once shy and unsure hermit has found her voice again. Cheers!

Selective Posts that makes this Muse

Itchy Butt Dilemma
I am bringing this post up because it’s the highest hit post. And most of the hits came from search engines referrals. It boggles me really as to why so many people actually searched for the keyword, “itchy butt”. I get visitors to this particular post almost every day. Now that’s something to muse about. LOL.

Chef for the Day ( In-house Pizza Pancakes )
Now, this particular post marks the first time this hermit (yours truly) shows up in a photo. Not forgetting also that it is also the first time I blogged about food and cooking. Yeah, I can’t really cook. My cooking is edible by human beings but that’s just that, fullstop.

Losing Sense of Self
This post marks the first time I came close to stripping and baring my soul to all due to one of the usual bouts of household bickering.

Top Five Favorite Movies -- I've been tagged!
I kinda like this post as I really enjoyed writing this particular meme and on top of that, it was my first time being tagged. Hence, it was a meme post by a Virgin-Meme-Blogger (VMB).

The Ultimate Confrontation
Now this one is the one I that had impacted my life so much that it shifted my whole perspective and aim in life. It’s the turning point and a cross road of my life. Whenever I felt weak in my resolution at any given time, I would recall what I have written and promised myself in this post. It had never failed to push me on again and face my challenges with courage.

Doing the Maths
Ze main sum of all sums, ze Hermit has matured in terms of writing, thinking and interacting. Just take a look at my first post and make the comparison, you would be able to deduce what I meant by that. LOL. At that time, someone had actually told me I write my post like a screenplay. I have to thank him for making that comment. It helped me to improve a lot. I am not saying I am great at writing now, but at least it is more palatable.

Errr… again, this Muse has inadvertently written another long winded post. But hey, this is after all my dedication to my beloved blog right *wink*.

Lastly, I thank you everyone for being a friend and for being so supportive when I am down and also for all the encouragements and sharing.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Random Muses: All Tied Up

Just a short note to let all my treasured blog friends/visitors know that I foresee a period of low blog hopping or posting for me due to my current work commitment and other personal ventures.

Please don't hate me for not visiting as frequent *glassy doe-eyed innocent look*. Anyhow, I promised to drop by as frequent as I could manage and also to post whenever I could... cos' I really do love you guys.

Thank you for understanding. Anyway, this inactivity or low activity period would only be for a couple of days if not a week or so.

Domo arigatogozaimasu  ども ありがとございます (Thank you)

Updates on my Japanese learning quest:

Have been scurrying around the net of late for some free materials for Japanese learning. And lo behold! Just like I predicted… I am not disappointed with the galore of goodies I managed to dig up. Will try to share it here with all when I have the chance to do so.

So far, this Muse has managed to pick up around 10 or more common Japanese words and learned a few ahem... actually, it is only four hiragana characters i.e. あいえお (a, i, e, o)… that’s about all I know. Tee hee hee

Oh yeah, about FRIENDS ABROAD, I am actually experiencing some problems with the site. It's quite buggy and unstable. Then again, maybe it's just because it's not compatible with Firefox. *shrug* beats me. I am still going to give it a few more tries though.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Friends Abroad – Language Exchange

Was searching through the net for Web Apps when I stumbled upon this one particular site which piqued my interest. It’s a social networking site for language learning called FRIENDS ABROAD.

This is their introduction of the site which I plucked out from here:
Hi, we're FriendsAbroad, an Internet languages company based in the United Kingdom - we're about 30 miles from the centre of London.

Our aim in life is to help you and millions of others to improve your language skills.

FriendsAbroad is the language network. Free to join, FriendsAbroad is an online community of millions of users in over 200 countries speaking over 80 languages. So far, it's been a lot of hard work with only small revenues coming from the advertising on the site.

We have lots of exciting changes in the pipeline, and hope that you'll be happy to pay a small amount per year for the additional language learning tools we're working on.

For now though, do join and have fun conversing with people all over the world about whatever interests you! Everything you see here today is free and will remain free.

Want to know more about us: meet the team.

So, in less than several minutes of going through the registration, I am now an official a member of this social site. Why sign up you ask? Well, at first I was curious… as curious as a cat and very much like a moth attracted to the fire. I know too much of curiosity wasn’t a good thing, and it could potentially harm you if not kill you. Ha, I am being overly dramatic here. Thing is, I felt that more good than harm would come out of this one. But then again, let's just see if this could be true.

Secondly, I do hope very very much to be able to learn Japanese. And it seems learning so interactively via the easy to use methods provided by FRIENDS ABROAD, could well be the answer to my quest of learning the language.

They encouraged us (members) to write a few things introducing ourself to other members around the world. And wrote I did… a very very very long intro nothing short of being obscenely long winded. LOL. In my opinion, it looks more suited as a blog post than a short introduction of self. Therefore, I thought, hey, why not post it here for all to have a good laugh at my silliness and at the same time introduce this fabulous site to all. In a way, you will get to know more about me that I have yet to disclose.

Here’s what I wrote to introduce myself:

I am a Chinese woman from Malaysia. A beautiful tropical country with what I consider as... a place with "extreme weather" i.e. it's either too much of rainfall or too dry and sweltering hot. Would really really love to experience snowfall or milder weather elsewhere.

One of the places I longed to visit is Japan. This particular country would and always will be on top of my travel wish list. Why was that, you ask? Things is, I've got this long time obsession with almost anything and everything Japanese. Especially fascinated with the Japanese language, that is. Hence, this is why I am here at FRIENDS ABROAD - to seek the golden opportunity of pickup the Japanese language. I would really love to be able to watch Japanese Anime without the English Subtitles one fine day. Yes, I am a crazed fan of Anime too. Guess I never did grow up. LOL.

Right, I believe I should give you an inkling of my present grasp of the languages I have listed in my profile;


Well, I can speak and write 'passable' English. In fact, I think my written English fares much better than my spoken one. I had to admit that I do have some pronunciation problem. Now, I do not claim that my English’s is prefect, as I do know there's so much more room for improvement. Therefore, what I believe is that, by helping others out in this language... I am also brushing up my own skill at the same time. Who knows, I might even have the good fortune of meeting someone with stronger command of the English language and prosper in it in the end. It is a win-win situation here at FRIENDS ABROAD right? By sharing, in return, we gain. How perfect a partnership.


The next language I commanded is the Cantonese (it's one of the many Chinese dialects - one of the major ones, anyways). Though, I might be 'pure' Chinese and this is in fact my mother-tongue, I couldn't read/write any of it. To tell you the truth, I even struggle writing my very own Chinese name. Gosh! Uh-huh, I am that bad. The only consolation of mine would be being able to at least speak the language. Phew! So, does this make me any less of a Chinese? I beg to differ.


Malay is the national language of my country, Malaysia. It's the language my country use for its academic system. I was quite good at it during my schooldays. I could speak like a Malay native and write almost like one too. My grades for this subject is very promising... at that period of time. However, things have changed over the years as I integrated myself into the rat race world (corporate world). Where English is the dominant language used for business. And so, gradually, my proficiency of this particular language fades and stunted in the background. Anyhow, I think I still haven't lost touch of it in totality. I could still understand it well enough and also speak and write 'passable' Malay if the need arises. Though I do get mental-block using it sometimes. It's only an understandable weakness, agreed?


I own a blog. It’s a place where I could practice my written English and improve my confidence in it. What better way to learn and improve a language than to practice it for real. Don’t you agree?

Apart from that, I also love reading and commenting on other people’s blog. It’s another good way of learning the language and improving your ease of use.

So, if any of you are interested or curious about my blog, I welcome you to visit my humble blog at (my primary blog) or at (my mirror site and social networking site). The name of my blog is, A HERMIT’S MUSE. The reason why I adopted this name is because I am practically a hermit in real life. I am always holed up at home… but it’s due to some personal issues and not exactly what I chose to be. Yes, I am quite a loner… but I do enjoy occasional gallivanting if given a choice.

Another thing about me is that, I am a caffeine-addict. The talk of coffee gives me instant mood lift. It’s almost like I couldn’t live without it.


I welcome all with open arms. Therefore, don't hesitate or be shy about writing to me.

To those who would be kind and generous enough to teach/coach me on Japanese... I thank you in advance with much gratitude *Bow, bow and bowing even lower*. Domo Arigato Gozaimasu.

Hope to hear from you soon.

If you wanna take a look at how this introduction look on my profile page at FRIENDS ABROAD, click here. Though I am not quite sure if you could actually view it without an account with them.

Lets just see what this impromptu spur-of-the-moment thing brings for me. Hope it hails good returns though. In terms of me being successful in learning a few more Japanese words... good enough to hold a basic conversation, I would be more than happy already.

Tee hee hee. Just to clarify it before anyone thinks I am writing this for moolah... something I don't do at all. But, I am not saying I wouldn't embark on it in the near future should circumstances permit it.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Tian Xia Wu Shuang (天下无双) - (A love) Unparalleled Under the Sky

This is one of the many songs I came to love and cherished very much. It is actually a theme song or original soundtrack of one of my favorite Chinese drama... a wuxia drama, "Return of the Condor Heroes 2006". A considerable large scale production by a film production.

The combination of breathtaking natural sceneries in China coupled with smart play of CGI and also not forgetting a dashing main actor with an equally beautiful and ethereal looking main actress has cause this production to be very well received indeed. In fact, I was preeettty crazy about it. I watched and rewatched it so many times that I had literary lost count of how many times I succumbed to its charm. LOL. And YES, I did ogle at the suave main actor to my heart's content. He has got the most infectious smile I’ll tell you.

Okay that's that, now back to this particular soundtrack. This is the intro soundtrack for this drama. I am so drawn to it by the sad and sweet voice of the singer telling an equally sad story of an undying, faithful and sincere love filled with trial and tribulations.

Here’s the lyrics in Chinese and Pinyin as well as the translations to it:

天下无双 - Tian Xia Wu Shuang - (A love) unparalleled under the sky

sung by Jane Zhang Jing Ying ( 张靓颖 )

(chuan yue hong chen de bei huan chou chang)
Going through across life's sadness and happiness

(he ni tie xin de liy lang)
With you as a close companion, (we) wandered around

(ci tou bian ye de qin shan he huang liang)

Piercing through horizons of remote mountains

(he ni de meng ban zhe hua xiang fei xiang)

Dreamt of you flying with fragrant flowers

(jin sheng yin ni zhi kuang) (ci ai tian xia wu shuang)

Devotion to you in this life, (my) love is unparalleled

(jin de ying zi , shui de bo guang)
A sword's shadow, water's ripples

(zhi shi guo wang shi guo wang)
Just passing by, just passing by

今生因你痴狂此爱天下无双啊 .......
(jin sheng yin ni chi kuang) (ci ai tian xia wu shuang)
Devotion to you in this life, (my) love is unparalleled

(ru guo hai you tie xin de liu lang)
If there is still a companion to wander with

枯萎了容颜难以忘难遗忘 ........
(gu wei le rong yan nan yi wang ... nan yi wang)
A withered facet is hard to forget, hard to forget

Well, I do hope you all enjoy it as much as I do. Please do not hesitate to share your thoughts on it.

Here's some beautiful pictures to appease you visually :P

Note: I actually did this post for my VOX Lyrics Translation Group. Then I thought it would be good to post it here too for the enjoyment of others who love this song also.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Pachelbel's Canon in D Variations

A collection of Pachelbel's Canon in D variations. Hope you would all enjoy it as much as I do. Frankly speaking, some of it blew me away ;) Didn't know Canon could have so much of attitude in it... just listen to the Canon Grooves, Canon Techno, Canon Rock and so many others listed here.

Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I do. I AM a crazed Pachelbel's Canon fan. Hooyah!

Oh yea, do check out this site/blog, Tribute to Pachelbel. There are many different versions of Canon arrangements listed here.

Current Mood: Joyful and Thankful

Current Distractions: Of late, I've been busy hopping around my IMEEM & DEVIANT ART playground.

Other Musings: How many sites does a gal gotta have? I've quite lost count of mine :P No wonder I am so distracted at times. Ahahahaha. Dunno what got into me that I've gotten myself a FRIENDSTER account too. Yeesh!!! Actually someone invited me to be a member, and I kind of follow the lead... one thing leads to the next and lot behold another site to care for :P I am still not sure if I am gonna be maintaining it tho.

Friday, June 01, 2007

My Gratitude to All

I wished to express my gratitude to all of you for your comforting words and encouragements in my previous post. I am so happy and lucky to have been acquainted with you all. I am so touched by the sincerity and concern shown by all. You have made me felt so loved and blessed… no longer alone and scared.

Here I dedicate my heartfelt thanks to:

My Blogspot Friends
Gina, Tine, CC, Kok, Law Tien Soon, Stev, Paris Beaverbanks, Che-cheh and Firehorse

My VOX Friends / Fellow Voxers
Masako F, Shellakers, Mikey,Crashley and Clippedwings

I have learned much from you all and I valued each and every word written to me.

If you are interested to follow the comments… below are the links to both sites:
At my BLOGSPOT blog
At my VOX blog

Updates on my Mending Heart
Things have been going quite well for me and my hubby. He is much more sensitive to my feelings now. Though there are still some stuffs we needed to iron out, but I’ll take it step by step.

All in, I am quite happy with my decision to stay on and have another go at our relationship. Things are indeed looking much better now. I for once, wasn’t feeling as trapped and hopeless anymore. Though there’s still this small part of me who wished to be left alone without him sometimes. I guess I’ll still have to work on rediscovering my love for him again. I can’t just switch off love and then switch it back on again just like that. Love IS just more complicated than it is.

Once again, thank you for your prayers and best wishes. Shall try to update on this whenever I can.